Welcome.

adulting for modern Jewish women, addressed through the lenses of food, money, torah, and weddings.

Enjoy!

Whole FOODS!

Whole FOODS!

Whole FOODS!

I laud you, praise you, commend you, thank you

for your contributions

to the world.

For making available and for mainstreaming

all kinds of organic delights.

For offering a platform

tothehipstersinfromGowanustoPortland

who wish to sell high-end pickles,

and kvass,

and peanut butter,

spicy maple syrup

kombucha

blended honey too good for your shelves

extremely kosher babka

and all manner of things that people might learn to make at home

if you didn’t

make it

a

status

symbol

to buyitfromthestore.

But let’s be real.

They wouldn’t.

 

Whole FOODS!

My heart broke this weekend

when you closed your Baseline store.

Not because the store was so great.

Not because I fear for the future of the employees

because maybe they can go work at your new spot

in Longmont

or the new Lucky’s Market

three blocks away.

And hopefully, though I doubt it, you’re compensating them.

My heart broke this weekend

when you closed your Baseline store

Not even because

of the loss of the best dumpster

in the neighborhood

Though that is

indeed

a Great Loss.

My heart broke this weekend

when you closed your Baseline store

because you brought in

a 30-yard dumpster

22 feet long by 8 feet wide by 6 feet high,

and you took the contents of the store

and you threw them in.

You threw in garbage and food.

You threw in at least 40 lbs. of organic free range whole chicken —

At least two boxes full of animals that used to be alive

along with shoes

and shelving

and cleaning products and office supplies

and restaurant equipment.

You threw in the contents of the bulk bins

that my friend liked to snack from

and while you were at it,

you threw the bins in too.

In the garbage. To the landfill.

And you call yourself

Sustainable

 

Whole FOODS!

I rejoiced this weekend

when you closed your Baseline store.

You brought in

a 30-yard dumpster

22 feet long by 8 feet wide by 6 feet high.

you took the contents of the store

and you threw them in.

You threw in at least 40 lbs. of organic free range whole chicken —

along with shoes

and shelving

and cleaning products and office supplies

and restaurant equipment.

For the neighbors.

Thank you.

My home is taking on the feel of a Whole Foods outlet

from fake jute and blue burlap

down to a crate & barrel.

I’ve been wanting a KeepCup coffee mug for ages

but never bought one. Maybe I questioned

what goes into making them and got myself into

one of those paralyses around whether maybe it isn’t just better

to use the paper cups at the store

or

should I just not be buying coffee at all.

At any rate

There is no more sustainable KeepCup than the one

that I got.

From the dumpster.

From the garbage. trash pile. refuse heap.

Because you took that sustainable reusable lovely barely used still with the sticker on

cup

and you threw it

in the garbage.

That’s not better

than throwing out a paper cup.

Do you know that less than 1% of all the shit we buy

is still in use

6 months after the date of purchase?


Whole FOODS!

You have a lot to offer.

And boy

oh boy

do you have a lot to work on.

Reb Zalman said

that Putting on a front

is like spooning heavy dollops of delicious whipped cream

on top of a pile of garbage.

Eventually

What’s underneath

Starts to smell.

 

 

 

 

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